DAY 9

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day 9 - Monday december 15th 

0. Scale & Body Check

  • Morning weight: I didn't weight this morning out of habit and avoidance. I'm afraid to. 

  • Bloat / cycle notes: Definitely not as bloated today as I was last week pre-period, but my boobs feel big in a bra that sometimes is loose, which is worrying me about stepping on the scale. Feel extra water retention likely from drinking Thurs and Friday. 

  • How my body felt in clothes today (1 sentence): Pretty lean, honestly.

1. Routine / Stability

  • Wake time: 7:00AM Stella had a 2 hr delay.

  • Bedtime: 10:30PM (ideal, take both magnesium at 8 and will take melatonin at 9).

  • Today feels: Productive and good as a mom. Stella and I had a good morning, got her to school well before morning bell and brought in donuts for her Breakfast in Bethlehem tomorrow. I feel really good about that. I also felt relieved today because of a light call load, however, I started to ruminate on rejection/break-up. 

    This afternoon I sort of crashed out on that topic, after my call with my psychologist and evaluation results. It turns out I have significant anxiety and depression, as well as borderline traits coupled with attachment and negativity traits. It was similar to the below sentiment from day 4:

    I felt my day start to spin out of control this morning on the way to Starbucks. I noted a clear transition from peaceful to rumination and anger. It was when I turned to picking apart the ex dynamic all over again, my RSD flared like crazy. I can't even think about how rejected I feel and how devastated and lonely I am. I'm not sure how I'll ever be able to file that away. Being a single mom is so hard and working from home. I feel so isolated. These things all come crashing down and I worry so badly about my future, that I'll never find someone. It's only bad right now because I kept lashing out until last night.

  • One sentence why: I let myself use ChatGPT to consult and try to get to the bottom of being broken up with by someone who I loved and who loved me.

2. Food – Me + Stella

  • Me: 3 real meals? No, unfortunately. 
    • Protein shake/Van Sweet Cream Cold Brew 
    • Chobani yogurt
    • Sargenteno Break 
  • Protein: 126g
  • Stella: did she get real meals with some protein + produce? What did she actually eat (roughly)? She had pancakes and sausage this morning, juice, PB&Chocolate, go-gurt, chips, uncrushable for lunch. Pep pizza for dinner.

3. Body Work – 108 + Muscle (Plan vs Reality)

  • Plan for today: Stationary bike and work.

    What I actually did:

    • Cardio: Stationary Bike

    • Strength: exercises + sets/reps: None. 

  • Intensity: low/medium

  • Did today move me closer to 108, further, or neutral? Why? Closer because I'm in a minimal cal deficit. But it didn't get me closer to the habit/patterns I want to form that incorporate body recomp and strength training. (Same as yesterday)

4. Future Body Fund (Money)

  • Did I add to my Hot Body Fund today? Unfortunately not going to happen until post Christmas. 

  • Note: I ordered DoorDash once. 

5. One “Hotter Me” Choice

  • Cycled. Bed early-ish. Stayed in full calorie deficit yesterday so the ball is rolling.

    Goal Tomorrow: 15 minutes of strength. I really want to do this. I'll have time! 

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